Empowerment On


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Any thoughts come to your mind when you hear the word empowerment? Such a popular word right now. Google has about 113,000,000 hits for that word as of today.

It is the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights.

Love it!

Based on the definition above, and other words associated with empowerment, do you think you fit in that category? Would you consider yourself empowered? I would encourage everyone to dig deeper no matter what stage you are in your empowerment journey.

I am not a certified empowerment coach, if that is even a title, but I do have some tried and true practices that I would love to share.

Here is my official not so official list:

  1. Books
  2. Tribe
  3. Exercise
  4. Try something new
  5. Network
  6. Inspiration
  7. God’s word
  8. Yoga
  9. Vision board
  10. Gangster rap

Shall we break each of these down? Let’s!

Books. I used to roll my eyes (by the way, I am really good at that) at the thought of “self-help” books. Please, put a lid on it. But then, one got me (Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg). I caution you to pick and choose wisely and please, oh please do not pay anyone money to join some sort of elite club. Do however equip yourself with knowledge and motivation on how to empower yourself!

tribe who have your backTribe. Another catch phrase that drives me nuts, but for the sake of making wanting to get my message across, I am going to use it. Surrounding yourself with others who uplift you, fight for you, encourage you to do better, and also willing to take on anyone who dares harm you, that’s priceless.

Exercise. And I quote from Legally Blonde: “Happy people don’t kill people, they just don’t.” You want to release some endorphins, get moving!

Try Something New. I was quite sure was not for me. I am cool enough, I don’t need to try nothing. Well, I am here to tell you, trying something new, and following through gives you one heck of a confidence boost. Even if you suck at it. It’s as if you are proving you are capable of so much more. You are proving there is potential just waiting to be tapped.

Network. This does not mean you have to sign up for every conference within a 30 mile radius. I would suggest getting yourself out there, one way or another. Happy hours. Dog park. Meetup. Work functions. Seriously. Just try it. You will gain knowledge and skills through other people that you can’t get from a book.

Inspiration. Ever log onto Pinterest and get that decorating bug? Or see a new outfit you plan on copying? Feel that inspiration? Find a way to get inspired and then do it! Make it happen.

God’s Word. I mean, does this really need any further explanation? Read it. Use it. Every. Single. Day. Personally, I like Bible.com. They have a great app too! You can invite your tribe on it too.

Yoga. I put yoga apart from exercise because per my experience, yoga is a whole otheryoga sketches entity. It requires you to focus your mind and your body. To be quiet. To pay attention to every fiber. Then your body starts doing these amazing things you never knew you could do! There are some poses I am sure I would break my neck, but doesn’t stop me from trying. I’ll get there. You can too.

Vision Board. Holy moly these things work! Think of them as a grown up version of a collage project for school. Your vision board should be your goals, your dreams, your deepest desires. And place that sucker where you will see it every day. Wake up and look at it and then press on. What do you want for your life? Make it visible. Outta sight outta mind. Put that in your sight in your mind!

Rap. “Throw on some gangster rap and handle it.”

gangster rap

Girl, watch you grow.


It’s Not Your Job to be Liked


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“You like me! You really like me!” -Sally Field 1984

If you haven’t seen that clip, just take the 19 seconds, it’s historic.

Sally Field nailed it. She was beyond thrilled to be “liked” by others. Do like that feeling as well? Do you have a drive to get people to like you? To feel accepted? It’s human nature. So when people don’t like you, it is going against your deeply rooted longing.

People pleasing is a vicious cycle. You could make a full-time job out of it. It takes so much work. I believe starts on the playground and picks up momentum. High school is the breeding ground for popularity. Ugh…cliques. And yet, deep down, you know you wanted to be in that clique. You know you did.

cupcakeHow does that popular saying go, “You can’t please everyone, you’re not a cupcake.”No matter what, you simply are not going to get along with everyone and in turn, not everyone is going to like you. The very few can handle that fact. I say very few, because those who say they don’t care, they aren’t fooling anyone. 

Why does it matter so much? Well, as noted above, we humans are communal beings. Whether we like it or not, we are made to need each other. However, it’s acceptable to pick and choose who you do and don’t need. Personalities don’t always work well together and you don’t know exactly why, but so help you, ‘Mr. What’s His Name’ down the hall better stay out of your way! But guess what? More than one person can’t stand you. Can you live with that?

Too many women worry about being liked and that’s not only misguided, but also damaging. It’s not your job to be likable. It’s your job to be yourself. Someone will like you anyway.  -Best selling-author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Make an effort to let it go. You will drive yourself crazy, and for what? To gain another “like?” If you genuinely are a decent individual, not doing anything malicious, not gossiping behind someone’s back, not slashing anyone’s tires, and they don’t invite you to happy hour with the cool crowd, LET IT GO. There are other happy hours to attend.

Easier said than done? Possibly. But practice makes perfect. Try a couple of the techniques below. See if you can’t shift your focus a bit.

  1. Be real. Be authentic. Be humble. Be ok with those, and you can be ok with yourself.
  2. Stop being critical of others.
  3. You are not responsible for what others think.
  4. Get over it!
  5. REPEAT.

Let me know how it’s going!
you are not designed for everyone to like you

Stop Holding Yourself Back


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Stop holding yourself back.

For quite some time, I accepted my situation as is. I thought that by me simply being a good person, and having a good work ethic, I would strike it big time, but that didn’t seem to be working. What was I doing wrong?

quesiton mark

I recently had a major life event happen and to top it off, moved into a new home, started a completely new career change, and with a 3 year-old. As scary as it was at the time, what I have to say now is “Look how far I have come!” I wish I would have known then what I am learning now, but the important part here is I am learning! The only person who is in control of my progress is me. I am in control of my future. Someone is not just going to come along and say, “you’re such a good person, here is the career you have always wanted, and we’ll throw in a house for you as well.” Keep your good work ethic but don’t expect success to fall into your lap. You want something, work for it.

look how far youve come.pngHow? Empower yourself. Once you feel empowered, you feel like to you can do anything right? And when you feel like you can do anything, you go and do anything. And when you act without hindrance, you accomplish great things.

So what changes need to be made? For me, I needed to quit taking situations as is. I am not stuck to any one thing if I do not want to be. I can make a change.

And changes must be made. Figure out what is holding you back. Make a list, then counter each of those with a solution. Let me show you:

problem and solution char

I have found that excuses are just that, excuses. And a waste of valuable time. If you aren’t happy with your current situation, you have complete power to change it, but know this, it requires effort and grit. But it is not in vain. No matter what, you learn and you grow. So much potential if you go for it.


Just Do It


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This is not a Nike advertisement.

This is a motivational swift kick. One of the biggest weights on your shoulders, whether you realize it or not, is procrastination. Your brain stores a task that needs to be done and doesn’t allow it to resolve until it is complete. This means, on some level, you never fully rest until you have completed that task. By holding off to “deal with it later” is detrimental for you and your stress level.

So why do people wait? Why do people avoid tasks? So many reasons out there, but I am


going to focus on 4 common ones:

  • It’s not enjoyable
  • Fear of discovery
  • Difficulty
  • Unsure of how to begin

Let’s tackle each right now? I mean, why wait?

It’s Not Enjoyable

First, not all tasks will be enjoyable, however, I have found that once I create a to-do list, it is helpful to see prioritize. Then, get it out-of-the-way. No one wants to end their day on a down side. Why push everything troublesome to the end? Take care of it now so you can save the best for last. Side note, it makes time go by faster too.

Fear of Discovery

What will you find out if you start that task? For example, you need to balance your checkbook. But doing so means you will realize you don’t have as much money as you thought. What if you change your mindset to this though? What if you go into it ready fists raised, ready to find out the truth? I promise you will be able to handle what is in front of you that much better!


Certain things are bound to be difficult. That is called learning. Once you learn, you are able to do it better the next time. By putting it off because it is difficult, you are actually making any future tasks continually difficult because you haven’t mastered your obstacle yet. Essentially, you are dragging it out over a span of time experiencing the same difficulty over and over again.

Unsure of How to Begin

Sometimes I just do not know where to even begin to begin! I am sure I have looked like a deer in headlights more than once. Let me share my methods on this one. It never hurts to seek advice. Check with others who might be able to offer guidance. Make a list of what you know. Google. The power of Google is at your fingertips. And if you still don’t know where to begin, dive into a part you do know. Break it into pieces. Chances are they will come together and that large task won’t seem so large.

start now

You don’t have to take on the entire world in one day, but you can make small changes that amount to great outcomes.

Lessons Learned from a Warrior


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The definition of a warrior:

“a brave or experienced soldier or fighter.”
  Synonyms: fighter, soldier

I knew a real warrior. Her name was Lauren. We met in college and instantly bonded over our love of fashion, elephants, the color orange, and candy corn. College is a blur for me but bits and pieces do stick out and Lauren was a huge piece of it.

We had a lot of similar classes since we were in the same major. As two girls who loved fashion, we sure didn’t dress like it. While all the other girls were wearing high heels and makeup every day, Lauren and I would roll into class in shorts and workout gear. (Warriors need to be able to move freely!) We were often picked on by a couple of our teachers. Just because our hair wasn’t immaculately done and we opted for flip flops, we were chastised relentlessly and even told to put on makeup to be taken seriously. That is a discussion for another day and time, stay tuned.

But none of that ever seemed to bother Lauren. It’s almost as if those attitudes from others made her work that much harder and prove herself. I am not sure what she graduated with, but the fact is she never gave up and did graduate. Once school was over, and we didn’t see each other every day, and inevitably started to drift apart.

Be kindI soon moved to a different state and we lost touch. Fast forward to some years down the road. After a long day at work, I pull up to my new apartment that I had just moved into after a rough patch in my life. There is a small package on my doorstep. I take it in with me and sit down in a dark room, no furniture, boxes have yet to be unpacked, all alone. The package was from Lauren. We hadn’t spoken in over 2 years! What was this about??

I immediately opened it. I still remember the contents and have her note saved in a box. To this day, I remember that moment as if it is frozen in time. Lauren said she felt the need to reach out to me. She didn’t know why, but knew I needed encouragement. She had a way of making sure you felt you were cared for and loved. She didn’t give up. She didn’t stop. Much like her college days, Lauren was resilient. She was a warrior.

I could go on forever about Lauren but the whole point of this is to share some lessons I learned from a real-life warrior.

Write a Letter

Countless people have shared stories of the notes Lauren wrote them. Notes for no reason. Thank you notes. Thinking of you notes. Notes of encouragement. Notes of support. Lauren took time to write with pen and paper to her family and friends to let them know she cared. When was the last time you wrote a note for no reason other than to say you were thinking of someone?

love lauren

Send a Care Package

Lauren did not seem to miss an opportunity to brighten someone’s day with a well-timed care package. Just like mine that arrived right when I needed it the most, others too received her packages that brought a smile to their faces. One person shared that she received 2 boxes of her favorite coffee creamer because Lauren knew she needed a little pick-me-up. You don’t have to wait for a special occasion.

Hug a Cat

lauren crazy cat ladyThis is where Lauren and I differ. I am a dog person. This is not to say I don’t like cats. I just do not prefer them, or their litter boxes. But Lauren loved her cats. I swear, she was starting to become the crazy cat lady. She had cat everything! Ultimately, she had a heart for animals. People joke that you don’t pick the cat, the cat picks you. Her cats really did love her. That says a lot. Maybe cats aren’t all that bad after all.


Lauren liked to run. As long as I knew her, she was a runner. Another thing we bonded over. She ran when she was happy, when she was mad, when she needed to think. This was an outlet for her and helped her cope with many different obstacles in life. And she didn’t stop until she was ordered to by her doctor. See, what did I say earlier? Relentless warrior!


Don’t let another day go by without telling those you care about that you love them. Write a note. Send an email. Pick up someone’s favorite snack and send it in the mail. Love God’s creatures (even cats), and run the good race. Don’t give up. Stay strong. Warrior on.


Crop Tops are Not Necessary


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Fashion Fun…

Today’s visit to the mall was exciting as well as interesting. Exciting because a trip to the mall doesn’t happen that often and as a fashion fanatic, I get all the good feels when I get to shop. And interesting because, well, please read below.

My daughter and I walked into her section after I spent some time oogling new trends. I have a 4 year-old. I should expect to find the usual colorful, fun, cute shirts with a puppy on a skateboard high-fiving a giraffe. I did not see one puppy. What I did see were crop tops everywhere.

I love fashion. Always have. And as a fan of fashion, I seem to have imparted that on my daughter. Though her style is still evolving, I foresee great taste in her future. What I do not see is the need for any child to be wearing a crop top as part of an everyday outfit.

Let me share with you the definition of a crop top.women drawing of measurements

A crop top is “a woman’s casual garment or undergarment for the upper body, cut short so that itreveals the stomach.”

Hold on. A woman’s garment for the upper body cut short so that it reveals the stomach. So I ask once again, why does a child need to wear a crop top? This is a problem.

Clothing Options for Girls

Yes, parents have the authority to say no if their child asks for that particular clothing item, but this shouldn’t even be a conversation we should have to have! My child should not be seeing this half item in her department. Why this being approved?let the kids be kids quote

I Googled this topic to see what was going on and I actually had to scroll down 6 hits to find anything remotely recent in headlines. That is alarming too. An article by Kelly Wallace with CNN noted that “girls’ shirts and shorts are narrower and shorter than boys’.” And Rachel Simmons, an expert in girls empowerment and bestselling author and scholar in residence at The Hewitt School in New York stated that “over the past 15 years, there’s been an increasing representation of girls in highly sexualized ways, whether it’s what they are wearing or what they are doing.”

What next?

I am not sure what to do. Do those of us who disapprove write and make a complaint? Personally, I think such items shouldn’t even be made. How do we stop it at the source? Don’t you think there needs to be set standards that manufacturers and designers abide by? That seems like the logical solution. Until then, you can always contact the company. I did. And will continue to do so. For our children’s sake.


Comparison is a Thief


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Have you heard that comparison is the thief of joy?

I wish I had…

Lately I have been hearing from others how their life seems less when compared with their peers. “I should be further along in my career.” “I wish I had a new car.” “I should be married with 2 kids and a dog at this point.”

stop comparing quoteI know plenty of people who have that perfect house, new car, vacation every year, fancy dinners, and yet, they are missing something. Granted, it is a lot more enjoyable to be melancholy on the beach getting tan than at home in your tiny apartment eating a microwavable dinner, but don’t think that everyone but you have it made. The grass isn’t always greener and it still has to be mowed.

So what does this mean?

What this means is all that energy you spend comparing isn’t getting you anywhere. If it did, you’d be driving that Audi right now. What comparing does do is drain you of your energy. Energy you could use on developing yourself and your future. Remember, that is energy you own and you can use in any way you want!

energy quote

Put on temporary blinders if necessary (please note I said temporary). Anything that will help you focus and not look to the left or right at Mr. and Mrs. Jones’s newly remodeled kitchen. Stay the course. Give yourself mini goals and as you accomplish them, feel the power of moving one step forward. And you know what, when something doesn’t work out as you planned, that is NOT a sign to quit. That is a lesson learned and now you need to find another way. Oprah didn’t all of the sudden become successful. Have you ever read about her life story? I suggest you take a minute to check it out.

Oprah for the win!

I know we all can’t be Oprah. What I do now is each person has the capability to be something that they are proud of. I also know comparison robs you of enthusiasm. What if Oprah had quit at the first hurdle? Let that tidbit stick with you and remind you that failure is ok as long as you keep going. Stop comparing. Start going.


How to Mom in 5 Easy Steps


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Mom jeans. Mini vans. Swapping recipes. That haircut we are all too familiar with, and if you’re not, Google Kate Gosselin haircut. Oh, and what about Susan down the street and that dress she wore the other day to the PTA meeting.

5 Ways to Mom:

  1. Strut your stuff

    Just because you are a mom doesn’t mean you have lost your swagger. It’s still vintage woman in brathere, somewhere. Hey, if you want to wear leggings, do it, just make sure you are strutting your fierce self in them! Make sure you are standing tall and show the world what you are made of. For crying out loud, you made a tiny human or humans. You are one righteous female! Don’t lose your fire.


    I want to dig a little deeper here and explain. Becoming a mother is an absolute blessing, but that isn’t who you are. Don’t get lost in the shuffle of trying to make sure the kids are constantly entertained, the house is always clean, dinner is prepped, laundry is done. Good gracious, that is a vicious, mundane cycle.

  2. Put down the mom jeans

    You are allowed to shop at Forever 21. You are permitted to purchase from Victoria;s Secret. Just because your body isn’t what it used to be does not mean you can’t embrace your true self, whatever and however that may be.

  3. Rock on

    You do not always have to listen to Kidz Bop with the kids. Throw on some music you can belt out to and sing at the top of your lungs. Head bang in the car as you are driving to school drop-off. Get jiggy with it while you‘re stuck in traffic. There is a reason why Carpool Karaoke with James Corden is so popular.

  4. 50 Shades of Grey

    Invite your friends over and watch a movie. Yes. Just like you did in high school. Just because you are an adult doesn’t mean you can’t watch movies and do facials! Warning though, prank calls are now much easier to track, I would advise against them.

  5. Drink the chocolate milk

    There seems to be this trend of moms and wine, which is perfectly fine by the way, but speaking from personal experience, a nice cold glass of chocolate milk rocks. And making bubbles with the straw is even better. Have a little fun lady!

enjoy life

This list may not be the most comprehensive or scientific, but the point here is to let go of what you think you always have to be. Make sure you live a little, or a lot. Just because your living room is littered with toys and stickers on the walls, doesn’t mean you have to resign yourself to a life of going through the motions. Your kids are watching you. You are teaching them in more ways than one about life. Enjoy it!

Women – Stop Saying “I’m Sorry”


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“I’m sorry.” How many times a day do you think you say those two words? Ever stop to think about it? I am going to challenge you to a little experiment. Take notice of how many times you say you are sorry. I guarantee it you apologize for things you don’t even need to apologize for! I am serious. Try it tomorrow and report back.

Generally speaking, every time you say you are sorry, you are admitting a fault right? You have made some sort of error that now warrants an admission of wrongdoing. But what about things that are just flat out ridiculous to apologize for? Below is a list from Greatist of 7 things you should absolutely stop apologizing for and I agree with every single one of them:

  • Telling the truthwomen say i'm sorry too much
  • Your feelings
  • Appearance
  • Me time
  • Asking a question
  • Other people’s behavior
  • Not responding immediately to a text, call, or email
  • Circumstances you can’t control

Hey, if I accidentally bump into you while you have your drink in your hand and you spill it all over your shirt, I honestly do feel bad, and yes, I will say I am sorry. And if I have wronged you, I will own that. But apologizing for not having a great hairdo that day, no. And don’t even get me started on being made to feel guilty for having some me time. Do you know what message you are sending by always saying “I’m sorry?” You are saying to others that you are not confident, you are unsure, you are timid. Ugh.

By the by, would you like to know who the biggest culprit is in all of these apologies? Women. It’s like women have this need to apologize, thinking that by doing so, people will like them better. Here’s the mentality: “If I say I am sorry, then it makes me look sincere and caring, and not too bossy, then I will be accepted and liked.” Heaven forbid women don’t play the dainty, polite, little lady, who sits quietly in the corner as to not disturb anyone. Amy Schumer nailed it in an sketch titled I’m Sorry. “For many women, our default is to apologize without even realizing it.” Which brings me to my earlier question: How many times a day do you think you say “I’m sorry?”

stop saying sorry

The flip side to this epidemic is it is fixable. You just need to rewire your way of brain a bit. Tweaks here and there. Make yourself aware. Listen to yourself in conversations. Replace “I’m sorry for bothering you, but…,” with, “When you have a free moment, can we speak?” Replace “I’m sorry.” Find other ways to communicate your message. Have some confidence in yourself!

No, you are NOT sorry.

Woman Can Cook! Right?


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“You’re a women, I bet you’re a good cook.”

Wow, that is a bold generalization!

I am proud to be a woman but I sure am tired of stereotypes. I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but not all women cook. I know, I am as shocked as you are. I was actually in denial for a solid 15 years. I finally realized and then ultimately admitted to myself that cooking is not one of my talents. Fine. I am a ok with that. But I was quite surprised at how many people are not. Apparently I missed the sign up sheet and course materials.

I don't cook.jpgI fought the reality for such a long time. I mean shoot, my father was a chef for most of his life and my sister can cook as easily as I can order Starbucks through the drive-through. I mean, isn’t this skill hereditary? Research has proven otherwise. (By research, I mean my personal experience.) Still, to this day, women are assumed to be good in the kitchen. All women. I mean look at the toys marketed for girls compared to those for boys. Girls get a “cute” little pink kitchen set and boys get monster trucks. I wonder if I had a kitchen set…I will have to follow up with my parents on that later.

My point is, I think it’s crucial that we stop spending so much time and energy on the areas society has told us we should like and really jump into our true passions. Hey, kudos to those who can whip up dishes complete with all the yummy noises from theirhate doing dishes guests. Please, invite me over, I’ll have seconds. I will leave the cooking to you. My focus is going to be on other areas. And I should not made to feel less because I don’t spend time in the kitchen. Why would I want to? Prepping, measuring, stirring, timing, and then serving the darn dish that is then consumed in less time than it took to make it! And afterward are the caked dishes that you have to soak and rinse and then put in the dishwasher and then dry off after so there are no water spots. You have got to be kidding me.

So no. I do not cook. Yes. I am ok with that. No, it is not every woman’s right to learn how to cook. Yes it is completely acceptable to have a microwaved meal. If you need me, I will be spending my time elsewhere. First place to look, outside.